Start at home: the words that help
Children take words literally. A phrase meant to soothe (“Don’t be scared, it won’t hurt!”) can plant the very ideas you hoped to avoid: scared, hurt. Choose plain, factual, positive language instead.
| Try saying | Try to avoid |
|---|---|
| “The dentist will count your teeth and make them sparkly.” | “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.” |
| “You get to sit in a chair that goes up and down.” | “The shot is really quick.” |
| “If you need a break, you can raise your hand.” | “Be brave, big kids don’t cry.” |
| “The dentist will show you everything first.” | “I hate the dentist too.” |
Words like “shot,” “drill,” “pain,” and “hurt” can be replaced with kid-friendly alternatives, and our team does exactly that. We’d rather you leave the description of procedures to us.
What tell-show-do looks like
This technique is a cornerstone of pediatric dentistry, recommended by the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry, and it’s simple:
- Tell. We explain what we’re about to do in a friendly, age-appropriate way.
- Show. Your child gets to see, touch, or hear the tool, such as the water spray, the tiny mirror, or the “tooth tickler,” before it’s used.
- Do. We do the step, gently, exactly as described, so nothing is a surprise.
Children also get small choices, like small choices, like when to take a break, because a sense of control turns down anxiety. Our team may also use a signal, such as a raised hand, so your child knows they can pause. Read more on our first dental visit page.
How parents can help most
- Model calm. Breathe slowly, smile, and keep your voice steady, even if you’re nervous.
- Be a quiet partner. Let the dental team lead the conversation. Too many voices can be overwhelming.
- Skip the bribes and threats. A reward after (a trip to a THPRD park, a sticker) is fine, but promises before can raise stakes.
- Practice at home. Play “dentist” with a stuffed animal, or count your child’s teeth with a toothbrush.
- Read a picture book. Story books about first dental visits are a gentle way to preview things.
- Tell us what you know. If your child has had a bad experience, has sensory sensitivities, or has special healthcare needs, let us know beforehand.
A sample script for a nervous four- or five-year-old
Here’s a script you can adapt. Say it a day or two ahead, in a relaxed moment, not in the car on the way:
“Tomorrow we’re visiting Dr. Hsu, the tooth helper. You’ll sit in a special chair while we count your teeth with a tiny mirror and check that they’re strong. You can ask questions, and if you need a rest, you can raise your hand.”
Notice what’s missing: any mention of pain, needles, or “being brave.” If your child asks, “Will it hurt?”, an honest, gentle answer is: “The dentist is going to be very gentle. If anything feels uncomfortable, you can tell us.” That’s truthful, and it keeps the trust between you and your child intact.
What about older kids and teens?
Older children often fear pain, judgment about their teeth, or loss of control. Give them plenty of information and honest answers. Let them decide whether you stay in the room. Reassure them that dental teams see every kind of smile, and that nobody is there to scold them about brushing.
What if my child cries or won’t open?
It happens, and it’s not a setback. Crying can be a way for a young child to say, “This is a lot.” Our team is used to it. We slow down, take breaks, and may do a short “happy visit” where we simply look, count teeth, and leave on a good note. Trust builds over time. For infants and toddlers, the knee-to-knee exam described in our post on the first dental visit keeps your child in your lap.
When extra support is appropriate
Some children benefit from more than words. If your child’s anxiety is significant, or if a longer or more complex treatment is needed, Dr. Hsu may discuss nitrous oxide (“laughing gas”), which is available for children when appropriate. Nitrous oxide is a mild, reversible relaxation option that wears off quickly after the mask is removed, and it’s used only when Dr. Hsu feels it’s the right fit. We don’t promise a specific outcome, and we’ll always talk through your options and questions first.
Children with sensory needs, autism, or other special healthcare needs are welcome, and we’re glad to plan extra time and adjustments. Learn more on our special needs dentistry page.
After the visit
Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. “You sat so nicely and let the dentist count your teeth. I’m proud of you.” Children remember how visits felt, and warm reflections lay the foundation for the next one. If something didn’t go as hoped, tell us. We’ll adjust our approach next time. Families in Beaverton, Aloha, and Hillsboro can request an appointment and mention anxiety, so we can plan for it, or call (503) 822-0096.
This article is general education, not a diagnosis or a substitute for an exam. If your child has swelling, fever or serious pain, call us right away; in a life-threatening emergency, call 911.